![]() (images of Peter Lorre and Tattoo are shown side by side) NC (voiceover): We see her working at a strip club as she entertains the owner who I swear is a mix between Peter Lorre and the Fantasy Island guy. NC: I… guess Obama wasn’t the change we needed. NC (voiceover): So our hero, Barb Wire, lives in a festering hellhole known as Steel Harbor, which takes place in the apocalyptic world of 2017! NC (voiceover): So just when you’re praying the whole movie is nothing but this, the plot sadly rears its ugly head. Freely” “Professional Duck Feeder: Amanda Hugenkis” and “Random people who just walked by the set: Jose Ranusi, Hung Loe and 8 Bit Mickey”) (Fake credits among the opening scene read “Catering Service: Seymore Butts, “Emotional Support: I. NC (voiceover): In fact, I wouldn’t be shocked if they added credits just to keep this scene going longer. NC: (uninterested) Oh, wow, the music was done by… (makes a dismissive noise) ![]() (The credit “Music by Michel Colombier” is shown on the bottom left corner of the screen as the scene continues) NC (voiceover): I wonder if anyone’s even reading the credits right now. BOOBIES! (He shoves away the scrolling text scene with both hands to view the dancing stripper again and make a goofy laugh in excitement) Narrator: …by chaos and crime, providing a home for a new kind of mercenary. NC: (reacts in surprise and disappointment) Geez! (The scrolling text screen pushes the dancing stripper scene away) Narrator: …a secluded island of shrinking independence. (NC slides the scrolling text screen only halfway to take a sneak peek of dancing stripper again) ![]() Narrator: …is under martial law, except one: Steel Harbor. The scrolling text screen bumps back in again.) (NC gets bored by the narration and uses his hand to move it aside to get back to the stripper dancing so that he could watch it in admiration again and grin. Narrator: The old democracy is overthrown by a tyrannical new group called the “Congressional Directorate.” Every city in the nation is under martial law except for… The following text is scrolled up as the narrator speaks.) (Cut to a title card labeled “The Second American Civil War”. NC (voiceover): Oh, I forgot to mention, there’s also a boring backstory read off by the narrator. (As the dancing keeps on going, NC watches the scene in admiration with his head resting on both hands) Gun: Brother, your sister, and your mama, too / You’re about to go down and you know just what to do. (The opening credits song is Gun's cover version of Cameo's "Word Up!") (A stripper starts dancing and flipping her hair around and the opening credits are shown) Yeah, you’re starting to see why this movie was made. NC (voiceover): OK, let’s take a look at our very first opening scene. NC: (laughs) And if for some reason you forgot that, the film reminds you constantly! Don’t believe me? Let’s drive right into this shit-storm and find out why this film is so bad. NC (voiceover): It’s blatant, it’s stupid, and the only reason it exists is because Pamela Anderson has boobies. NC: Except where Striperella was a horrible piece of horseshit, Barb Wire is… there is no difference between Barb Wire and Striperella. You know, that had the exact same premise of the superhero stripper? You all remember hearing about this? The Pamela Anderson comic book movie about a superhero who also happens to be a stripper? It’s just like that god-awful cartoon she starred in, Striperella. (The title screen of the movie is shown, followed by a montage of clips from the movie) booby boobies with the… booby booby boobies! (beat) Yeah, today’s film is Barb Wire. New vs Old - LOTR Animated vs Lord of the Rings
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